IT'S FINGER LICKIN' GOOD

I'm sure the Colonel would love to add this meaty cream cannon to his menu. No hormones, raised on an all Jergen's diet and free to range outside of the owners' knickers. Throw in a side of coleslaw, a stale biscuit and it would fit right in with the rest of the items on the menu. And at least that combo platter would have a reason for tasting like dick.

GUEST ARTIST: CAPTAIN OBVIOUS

Hey, you there. The one reading this real estate ad.

Balls in your mouth. Zing!

The creative force behind this chef-d'oeuvre obviously spent days - weeks maybe - in artistic solitude in order to crap out this flaccid attempt at gash mallet graffiti. And maybe they should have stayed there. I've read more clever tidings on Miley Cyrus' Twitter account. Or an IKEA coffee table instruction manual. Or the ingredients list on the back of a shampoo bottle.