PBS WOULDN'T STAND FOR THIS

(Bob Ross voice):

Good afternoon my happy friends, welcome to Dick Drawing with Bob Ross.

We're going to start here with a few clouds, because we all love clouds. Clouds are very, very free.

Now we're going to get right into the balls. We'll drop one right there. And now we gotta give him a friend. Like I always say, 'everyone needs a friend.'

Moving on, we put the shaft right in there like that, yeah, just like that.

And maybe in our little world, this shaft has a happy little head. Happy as we can be.

Now before we add any details, we want to clean our brush on the brush rack. Just beat the devil out of it, right there.

And we finish it off with a few veins and some hair. People will think you spent hours doing this.

There you have it.

From all of us here I’d like to wish you happy dick drawing.

And this will just be our little secret.

SIR, ARE YOU CURRENTLY TAKING ANY MEDICATIONS?

When it comes (Ed's note: Hahaha) to analyzing and breaking down any sort of lascivious penmanship on the walls of the world we live in, it is important to OH MY GOD NICE RACK.

In conclusion, I wish I knew this artist's intentions.

Dick-tation?

Cock-tation?

Penis-tation?

Mastur-tation? (Sorry pal, I tried).

Shaft-tation?

Next time, leave the pretty lady alone.

REMOVES HAIR, INSERTS LOVE MUSCLE

Hey ladies! Tired of your love life being hampered by the knee-high narcissists on J-Date? Sick of lonely walks home with a fistful of ill-fated phone numbers? Or how about being pushed to the bottom of a half-gallon Ben & Jerry's Brownie Batter by the perils of dating?

Well this guy has a solution for you.

Simply polish (read: rip) away unwanted hair with this revolutionary new hair removal pad and watch your love life soar to new heights. Prerequisite: you must be a bronzed, leggy model with strap heels to begin with.

Now all you have to do is ditch those anchor girlfriends you hang out with. Anyone that can be described as, "the one with the laugh," "the one with the cat," or "the one that sort of looks like the lead singer of Rascal Flatts" applies here.