DINNER TABLE DICK-DROLLERY

What we have here is either 1) a simply ingenious use of environment or 2) an honest mistake covered up by a flaccid attempt at sophomoric dinner table horseplay.

In honor of the pursuit of craft, I have to assume this apprentice to dick drawing glory one-upped his fellow frat brother in restaurant shenanigans who opted for the "fork-in-the-eye" or the "balancing-salt-shaker-on-salt." Congratulations. May all the cargo shorts and sloppy coeds in the world be forever yours.

ON THE PROWL FOR SOME OPEN-MINDED SELLOUTS

The Cougar is a new TV series brought to us by the wonderful people at The Bachelor, whose previous endeavors in matchmaking on television have gone so well they defecated another creation that offers 20 guys the shot at a lifetime of D-list celebrity status. From TVLand.com:

Stacey -- who's a successful and determined real estate agent -- is eager to shatter dating stereotypes. She believes society has placed a double standard on women who date younger men and wants to prove that age is simply a number.

You know, I've heard too much about this whole older-women-dating-younger-men thing, where just because they can hide under makeup and plastic surgery, older women assume that men their age have lost their spontaneity and zest for life. Here's a newsflash for Stacey: dating blunders with men your own age probably aren't caused by your threatening youthful vibe when you have a prickly little chode dangling between your legs. RAWR!